I ALMOST KISSED A MAN..........

The human body is disgusting.. At any given moment it can stink, sweat, or release horrible fluids. We spend so much time fixing it up and making it acceptable that we never really stop and look at how disgusting it is. For the most part we can handle our own disgusting body, but to deal with another person’s body is where we draw the line. Part of my job requires me to meet different people. A lot of conversations and a lot of hand shaking. Well on this day I was conducting a meeting with several elderly people on their insurance benefits. I had them eating out of the palm of my hand. I concluded the meeting as I normally do and allow them to come up individually and ask questions. Richard was his name. I’ll never forget it either.. He approached me to ask question about our dental program. He began to speak, but I couldn’t hear him. I got closer to so I could hear him better. He then made eye contact with me and begin to ask questions. I realized at this point that I was uncomfortable with how close we were. As I stepped back , he stepped forward. Ok.. At this point I’m very uncomfortable and I don’t wanna have to Chris Brown this member.( I’m fan still). I back up again and he then steps forward and say’s “don’t worry I won’t bite, I don’t have the teeth to do it”.. I bit the inside of my jaw to keep from laughing. As he continued to talk about his problems, a shiny piece of spit came from his mouth and hit my nose..In my head I yelled as loud as I could OH MY GOD, WE’VE GOT DEBRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried to stay focused on his question, but I felt the spit going into my skin, sinking to rise no more. To make matters worse another shiny piece of spit landed directly on my lip. At this point I seriously thought about spitting back on him. I then had to keep my lip hanging out further than it already does to keep the spit from going in my mouth. I looked like I was auditioning for Bubba from Forrest Gump( You wanna buy a shrimp boat?) When someone spits in your mouth that equivalent to kissing… Just think I almost kissed a man!!!!!!!

Shake What Your Momma Gave Ya

As we get older, some of our views change. We try to put away childish things and gravitate to newer adult things. Our mindset and just ideas in general about life change as we get older. Sometimes our goals are even changed or better yet, become modified. As for me I’ve noticed these changes and new goals and I embrace them. One of my new goals in life, is too keep my little girl off the pole. That’s right, the pole, people. It’s all over America. It’s goal is to have every woman at some point or another in the their young lives, thinking about it or dare I say…. Swing from it. Don’t underestimate the pole or your daughter for one moment and say” No, no, no, no, Moiba, not my baby, she won’t be swinging from no pole”. Many have made the mistake and given their own daughter dollars that were not for good grades, but for good dancing. Then they realize “Becky”, is that you? OH MY GOD!! (true story, I think. haha). Yes folks I accept this goal, with great fear and trembling but nonetheless, I accept it. I know women. Sounds cocky, but I do. I know they like to dress up and feel wanted, desired, and more importantly, appreciated. But you don’t need a pole for that. My little girl loves to dance and play, but when I saw her do the splits I quickly ran and scooped her up and told her firmly…”NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.. You only do the splits if you’re trying out for the part of a ninja in an action film or your going to the Olympics to represent the China gymnastic team.( them girls didn’t look a day over 10 years old). So in the words of John Mayer. “Fathers be good to your daughters” and “teach them to NOT, shake what your momma gave ya!!!!!”

1st Impressions pt.2/Mrs. Green

I told you specifically to stay after school and you left anyway” snarled Mrs. Green from behind the door. I’m thinking this woman is crazy! Clearly, she has to be insane. What is wrong with this woman? Is there a quota for the kids she has to keep after school? Is there a contest for who can get the most kids in trouble after school? “Please leave.” “My parents said I can’t talk to strangers and you sound really strange to me”, I yelled, hoping this would cause her to get scared and leave. My brother, Bay, just shook his head as if to say “You’re stupid”. She continued on her tirade. “Moiba I don’t think this is funny at all. I will just wait until your parents arrive”. Now she was going to far. It’ll look worse if she’s here when my parents get home. I asked her” Are you sure you’re Mrs. Green”. She replied back, “ That’s the name on the paddle in my office, which you’ll soon see”.. Now she was just toying with me. I panicked and opened the door. She told me and my brother to get in the car. At this point I was hoping she really wasn’t Mrs. Green and that she was gonna kidnap me and my brother and sell us on the black market in China or Russia. Anything would be better than the Joe Jackson whooping I was gonna get from my parents when I got home. (If Joe hadn’t beat Micheal, we would’ve never got “Thriller”. Can ya dig it?) I digress. Mrs. Green scolded me all the way to her house, which was up the street from the school. She called my parents. The only thing worse than a beating is, the anticipation of a beating. My parents picked me up and lets just say that Micheal Jackson’s “Beat It” would’ve been the theme song for that cold, cold night in the Mustapha house. Now without Mrs. Green, you guys wouldn’t get these stories. So thank you Mrs. Green, for pushing me to write, kidnapping me, and whooping me. I guess it really was Mrs. Green after all, atleast that’s what her paddle said the next day.

1st Impressions..part 1

My little boy had his 1^st day of school yesterday and I felt so proud. I laid his clothes out on the bed the night before and took pictures. Yeah, that’s right. I took pictures. I wanted him to be clean for his 1^st day of school. 1^st impressions are everything. Lord knows I’ve jacked up many of my 1^st impressions. In kindergarten I was infatuated with my teacher and so like any other child who is curious about the unknown, I grabbed them. I’ll never forget Miss Campbell. There are some teachers that have had a great impact in my life. Mrs. Green was my 3^rd grade teacher. She was cross between the skinny Oprah and Angela Basset. It seemed like everyday we didn’t see eye to eye on something. She wanted me to be quiet while she was teaching and I wanted her to stop teaching while I was talking. Just basic miscommunication. I guess this particular day she had enough and wanted to me to stay after school for my behavior. I told her “no, because I watch my brother in the afternoons. She said well today you’re gonna have to stay and your brother can just stay with you. I’m thinking um “no”. There’s no way I’m staying here with her and miss all my afternoon cartoons. Plus Disney was having a free preview that weekend. No way. So as soon as the bell rings she tells me to stay put and as soon as she turned her head, I was gone. I grabbed my brother and walked to the house like any other day. I’m home now watching Ducktales drinking koolaid like any other afternoon, when I hear a knock. I look at my brother ,Bay and he just shrugs his head. Now we don’t open the door for strangers per mom and dad. Doesn’t matter who it is. That’s the rule and that’s what I’m sticking too. A voice that sounded like Mrs. Green comes through the door. “Moiba, I know you’re in there. Please open the door! First thought was. OH MY GOD, SHE IS CRAZY!! I answered back” I can’t answer the door for strangers”. “I’m not a stranger, I’m your teacher” she snarls back. All I could think to say at that time was” you don’t sound like Mrs. Green…”

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> True story…

Sometimes Things Don't Go To Plan..Pt1

I was supposed to be a child actor by the time I hit 13. Honestly… I was on my way. I had just completed a play in the 6th grade. “Once Upon A Midnight Dreary and I was the lead. From there I was asked to audition for a film called “The Great Circle Race”. It was an educational math film. (haha, I was never good in math even with a script). I was bitten by the acting bug early and couldn’t get enough. I practiced interviews in the mirror as a child for movies that I would be staring in. There was one interview I used to do over and over. I was staring in the new James Bond movie. “When Black Goes Bad”…..The movie would’ve been great. It starred me and Keisha Knight Pulliam aka Rudy from The Cosby Show… Jaleel White aka Urkel from Family Matters was the evil Dr. Ticklemeslow. And Hilary from Fresh Prince was the evil, but seductive Miss Pink Cookies… I would sit in my room looking in the mirror practicing for opening night.” So how does it feel to be the 1st black James Bond” I said, then I would say…”It feels great. I’m looking forward to bringing something new to the franchise. Then I would say.” I hear you’re already signed on to do another one .What’s the title of the next 007 film”?.. I responded ever so smoothly. ”It’s called “I Don’t Want 5 On The Black Hand Side”. Now I know what you’re thinking. Why am I at a desk doing customer service when it’s so clear that I’m destined for something far greater? Sometimes things don’t to go plan and you gotta play with the hand you’re dealt. Right now, I got 2 and a possible… I’M STILL IN THE GAME!

All It Takes Is One MiC

There is a terrible epidemic in our country right now. Not guns. Not gangs. Not AIDS. My friends, its the microphone. The microphone has caused more damage in the past couple of years than ever. I literally almost pissed on myself when I heard Jesse Jackson say “ I wanna cut off his balls”. (Balls is not a bad word, people). He was talking about Barrack Obama. I’m not mad at him for sharing views with his buddy on national television with millions watching. I’m mad at the microphone. The audacity of the microphone to be on during a live interview on national tv. What was the microphone thinking? The microphone has committed some of the most heinous crimes in recent years. Jesse came back and apologized for talking about Obama’s privates and said it was it taken out of context. I’m thinking, the microphone is the devil. .It just committed another crime. What context can you take, cutting a man’s scrotum off? (This is correct term for balls, boys and girls) Please understand it’s not Jesse’s fault. It’s the microphone. It got President Bush at a dinner one time cussing. I’ve been at church services where people say some wildest things in the mic. Kanye said Bush don’t like black people in the microphone ( hahahahaha.. classic) It got Micheal Jackson saying” There is nothing wrong with sharing my bed with boys and climbing trees” in the mic. It got Shaq asking Kobe how does his *bleep* taste.(must’ve been the Vitamin water) in the mic. Rodney King said “can’t we all get along” in the mic. And now Jesse Jackson wants to castrate Obama and he was whispering in the mic……. Stay away people. Easily they approach….. the microphone, but it ain’t no joke. Make sure you do a mic check folks…..All it takes is one mic…

Who's the pappy? (extra one)...

If you haven’t heard by now, a man gave birth to a baby. Sorry I almost got sucked into the hype there for a moment. A woman dressed like a man gave birth to a baby. They asked her would the baby call her daddy. She said “ just because I had a baby doesn’t make me any less of man”.. Hmmmm I’ma say what she said again” JUST BECAUSE I HAD A BABY DOESN’T MAKE ANY LESS OF A MAN”…Ok.. One more time, because maybe it’s just me. Just Because I Had A Baby Doesn’t Make Me Any Less Of A Man. Well if that’s the case then here, just because I’m black doesn’t mean I’m not white. Just because it’s warm outside doesn’t mean it’s not freezing. Just because I’m drinking water doesn’t mean I’m thirsty. Just because I’m black doesn’t mean I can’t be president (oooohh, someone didn’t like that). Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean I’m not short. Just because I’m loud that doesn’t mean people can’t hear me. Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m sleep. Just because my mouth is shut doesn’t mean I’m not talking. Just because there’s a mole and a platinum plaque saying TP2.com- 1million sold on the tape doesn’t mean it’s The Pied Piper.(google pied piper please). And just because there are no weapons of mass doesn’t mean there are no weapons of mass destruction. And last but not least JUST BECAUSE I HAD A BABY DOESN’T MAKE ME ANY LESS OF A MAN…. Who’s the pappy???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!