I ALMOST KISSED A MAN..........

The human body is disgusting.. At any given moment it can stink, sweat, or release horrible fluids. We spend so much time fixing it up and making it acceptable that we never really stop and look at how disgusting it is. For the most part we can handle our own disgusting body, but to deal with another person’s body is where we draw the line. Part of my job requires me to meet different people. A lot of conversations and a lot of hand shaking. Well on this day I was conducting a meeting with several elderly people on their insurance benefits. I had them eating out of the palm of my hand. I concluded the meeting as I normally do and allow them to come up individually and ask questions. Richard was his name. I’ll never forget it either.. He approached me to ask question about our dental program. He began to speak, but I couldn’t hear him. I got closer to so I could hear him better. He then made eye contact with me and begin to ask questions. I realized at this point that I was uncomfortable with how close we were. As I stepped back , he stepped forward. Ok.. At this point I’m very uncomfortable and I don’t wanna have to Chris Brown this member.( I’m fan still). I back up again and he then steps forward and say’s “don’t worry I won’t bite, I don’t have the teeth to do it”.. I bit the inside of my jaw to keep from laughing. As he continued to talk about his problems, a shiny piece of spit came from his mouth and hit my nose..In my head I yelled as loud as I could OH MY GOD, WE’VE GOT DEBRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I tried to stay focused on his question, but I felt the spit going into my skin, sinking to rise no more. To make matters worse another shiny piece of spit landed directly on my lip. At this point I seriously thought about spitting back on him. I then had to keep my lip hanging out further than it already does to keep the spit from going in my mouth. I looked like I was auditioning for Bubba from Forrest Gump( You wanna buy a shrimp boat?) When someone spits in your mouth that equivalent to kissing… Just think I almost kissed a man!!!!!!!

Shake What Your Momma Gave Ya

As we get older, some of our views change. We try to put away childish things and gravitate to newer adult things. Our mindset and just ideas in general about life change as we get older. Sometimes our goals are even changed or better yet, become modified. As for me I’ve noticed these changes and new goals and I embrace them. One of my new goals in life, is too keep my little girl off the pole. That’s right, the pole, people. It’s all over America. It’s goal is to have every woman at some point or another in the their young lives, thinking about it or dare I say…. Swing from it. Don’t underestimate the pole or your daughter for one moment and say” No, no, no, no, Moiba, not my baby, she won’t be swinging from no pole”. Many have made the mistake and given their own daughter dollars that were not for good grades, but for good dancing. Then they realize “Becky”, is that you? OH MY GOD!! (true story, I think. haha). Yes folks I accept this goal, with great fear and trembling but nonetheless, I accept it. I know women. Sounds cocky, but I do. I know they like to dress up and feel wanted, desired, and more importantly, appreciated. But you don’t need a pole for that. My little girl loves to dance and play, but when I saw her do the splits I quickly ran and scooped her up and told her firmly…”NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”.. You only do the splits if you’re trying out for the part of a ninja in an action film or your going to the Olympics to represent the China gymnastic team.( them girls didn’t look a day over 10 years old). So in the words of John Mayer. “Fathers be good to your daughters” and “teach them to NOT, shake what your momma gave ya!!!!!”